The Floweying
by Kostus
Summary: Flowey tries to trick Papyrus into loving him, so that Flowey could manipulate Papyrus. Rated M for profanity, violence, alcohol usage, lemon, and Shot-Outs. NOT to be taken seriously.
1. Chapter 1

Remember when monsters went to the surface?

Well… IT WAS A BAD IDEA.

Arrival of monsters on the surface spawned a lot of racists, who tried to seal them back under ground (ironically, most of them were minorities). Monsters decided, to emigrate into the country, where minorities (aside from tourists) almost didn't exist – Poland, and created a city called „Papowice" in honor of Papyrus, whose popularity was clearly a fad, since since after a month, the monsters' mascot was Undyne again, and Mettaton was only remembered as „That rectangle-on-wheels robot thing from cereal commercial". Also, Frisk developed a split personality called „Chara" (not related to actual Chara, who went so crazy, that they become a pacifist), that tries to take over them. "Chara" was schizophrenic, sadomasochistic, talking to themself, and overall very cliche and stereotypical depiction of a maniac, that you see in creepypastas. However, nobody knew about Frisk's problems, aside from Alphys, who probably became an hero, much to Undyne's dismay.

Flowey… well… he was actually just minding his own business. Except, that somehow he overheard a quarrel in Papyrus' house. And quarrel, was actually an understatement.

"Papyrus, what the heck has gotten into you!?" Undyne asked, not able to understand Papyrus being a jerkass.

"YOU KNOW WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO ME, BITCH!" Papyrus replied, hammy as ever.

"This whole vodka is turning your already small brain into a mush! You are not yourself!" Undyne pointed out bad influence of alcohol on Papyrus.

"I'VE COULD'VE FUCKING DONE FUCKING EVERYTHING FOR YOU GODDAMMIT! AND WHAT DID YOU FUCKING DO TO ME? FUCKING NOTHING! WHENEVER I FUCKING APPEAR IN HELL'S KITCHEN, I ALWAYS FUCKING GET FUCKING ELIMINATED FIRST! AND I WAS FUCKING GOING TO FUCKING ALL FUCKING YOUR FUCKING COOKING FUCKING LESSONS, FUCK FUCK FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCK, BITCH! GET OUT OF MY FUCKING LIFE, YOU FUCKING LESBIAN WHORE!" After saying this, Papyrus shut the door inf front of Undyne as dramatically as possible.

Papyrus then sits on a couch, and proceeds to get himself wasted with Heracles and moans:

"WILL I EVER FIND A TRUE LOVE, WHO WILL RELIEVE ME FROM THIS FUCKING MADNESS?"

Upon hearing these words, Flowey gets a brilliant idea.

"If I can make him fall in love with me, I can make him my bi-… wait a second. Why there is a lighting bulb floating below my head?" Flowey talks to himself, but decides not to hit on Papyrus, not until the Fourth Wall is fixed.

END OF CHAPTER 1


	2. Chapter 2

Month later, things got worse: Undyne became even more depressed, Asgore was framed for attempted rape by Toriel, who became a prostitute, and the only hint for Frisk's insanity, is that Sans found them playing KZ Manager. But hey! At least Papyrus is no longer an alcoholic!

Flowey send Papyrus a letter to meet him in the park. It was the moment, where Flowey "Confessed his love" to Papyrus. However, there was one obstacle, suddenly Papyrus' fan was coincidentally in here too. It looked like a white human, with a white fan instead of her head, also with a leather jacket, a black shirt that reads "I 3 Anal Canada", and THIS FUCKING TRAINING SUITE! She ran over to Pappy, sqeeeing all over.

"OMFG!" She screamed like a typical genki girl. "PAPYRUS I AM YOUR BIGGEST FAN!"

"NO, YOU ACTUALLY DON'T BELONG TO ME." Papyrus replied.

"PAPYRUS X SANS IS DA BEST SHIP EVAR!" Papyrus' fan continued to be a overreacting bitch.

It didn't look to good for Flowey. This whore could ruin everything! He grabbed his Nokia 3310 and said:

"Help! I need backup! Fangirl alert! FANGIRL ALERT!"

Almost immediately a transsexual portal from Portal 2 opened, from with came Donald Tusk himself, holding an AK-47 rifle.

"I am going to stab you with my revolver" Tusk said it to Papyrus' fan.

He then blew her up with a vodka bottle and on his giant cock, with a slipper, and a shoe, he flied off to the Moon.

"Papyrus…?" Flowey was about to finally do this.

"YES?" Papyrus replied, intrigued.

"I… I..." Flowey couldn't come up with anything.

He breathes in, and breathes out, and calmly as ever he says:

"You have a sweet ass."

"OH! MY! FUCKING! GOD! MY TRUE LOVE IS HERE! WE ARE GOING TO BE HAPPY FOREVER!" Papyrus was delighted Flowey's flirty compliment.

"Hey, Sans!" Flowey was about to ask Sans something.

"what?" He replied

"Can you give me one of those "That was easy" buttons?"

"sure."

Sans gave Flowey a "That was easy" button. Flowey pressed it, and it said: "That was easy.". However, as he was smiling in glory, he saw a familiar shadowy figure. A very familiar shadowy figure…

END OF CHAPTER 2


	3. Chapter 3

So, Flowey has been stalking the very familiar shadowy figuire, and guess what?

That figure was Alphys herself!

Flowey: Alphys?

Alphys: What?

Flowey: Do you find it weird, that the author changes dialogue style in the middle of the fanfic?

Alphys: W-what are you talking about?

Flowey: Nothing. Wait a second, didn't you fucking killed yourself!?

Alphys: No! W-why would I do that anyway!? I was on a trip to a Copernicus Science Centre!

Flowey: Oh.

Alphys: Oh, a-and there is one more thing, Fri-

Flowey: Ok, I am going to fuck Papyrus, bye.

And then Flowey goes to Papyrus' home, completely unaware of Frisk's mental condition.


	4. Chapter 4

Flowey arrived at Sans' and Papyrus' home.

Flowey: Hello.

Sans: ah, you're that doctor, who is supposed to cure paps? he's got posters of justin bieber and one direction, some comics featuring bodybuilders fucking each other, and a furry suit. I tried some exorcism, but it didn't work.

Flowey: Well of course I am a fucking doctor, my whole life is dedicated to curing people from… uuuh what is it called again?

Sans: gayness?

Flowey: Oh yeah, gayness.

And Flowey rushed into Papyrus' room before Sans could realize that Flowey was being sarcastic. He rushed into the room, the door shut, and Flowey was standing against Papyrus. He was wearing a MTT brand gimp suit, in such fashion, that his dick was showing.

Flowey: Whoa whoa whoa… I have a bad feeling about this…. How about we don- MMMPHHPHH!

Papyrus showed his dick up to Flowey's mouth. They both were screaming, but for the different reasons. Apparently Papyrus shoved his dick up to Flowey's mouth so hard, that Flowey was bleeding. And Papyrus thought it was his semen. He immediately pulled it of when Sans walked into the room.

Sans: what's up faggots? am i interrupting you and your queerfest?

Flowey: OH THANK GOD!

* beat *

Flowey: Why did you walked in anyway?

Sans: oh yeah, I almost forgot. frisk changed their name to "chara" and started killing people.

Flowey: What.

Sans: they attacked a handicapped lizard kid, thank god that undyne was 'ere.

Flowey: But you could have easily killed them, you retard!

Sans: i actually am a pacifist. no seriously, during my "fight" with them, they were just hitting themselves, while i was just standing here like a fucking idiot.

Flowey: Then what was the meaning of the whole "Bad Time" thing?

Sans: it was a metaphor for consequences of doing a geno-

And Sans was almost cut in half by Frisk, or should I say "Chara".

Sans: shit, here we go again. welp. i'm going to mcdonalds. why? because if in source game food heals injuries, then it should also do it in this fan fic. see ya. oh and papyrus, if you don't stop being a faggot before i return…

* beat *

Sans: I'm gonna fucking disown you.

And then he teleported. Flowey, Papyrus, and "Chara" were staring at each other dramatically.

Flowey: You know, that we got advantage! Give up, and I will spare you [the pain of Papyrus raping your body]!

"Chara": We have an ultimate plot device, that will keep you from curb-stomping my ass, stupid!

Saying these words, "Chara" for some reason oppened a pansexual portal from Portal 2, from which came Kirito himself. Flowey accepted the challenge, and oppened a asexual, from which came Jotaro himself.

Kirito: This guy seriously brings fists to a sword fight? It's gonna be a piece of cock carrot cake!

Jotaro: Yare Yare Daze. If i'm gonna be an easy opponent, then why am I called "one of the most badass characters in anime"? Though I am not surprised. Normal people don't see stands, well, aside for the audience. Fourth wall besides, you're really pathetic. I have saved my mother, my grandfather, my fiends, while your love interest had to save **YOU**?! Heck, you're even worse boyfriend than I am father. Also, while in your anime it's just blindly attacking the target, until something happens, in my anime, you win by outsmarting your opponent, and judging from your first dialogue in this fan fiction, this fight won't really be a challenge, not very satisfying either. Your abilities are slashing and parring? Mine is Star Platinum, my stand. What abilities has my stand? Deadly speed, strength and precision. Not only that, I can also stop time. But it's not gonna be any useful, because you can't parry what you can't see. Now enjoy your last seconds, nobody likes brainwashed lunatics!

Star Platinum: ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA!

Jotaro summons Star Platinum, and brutally beats Kirito to death, only to disappear afterwards.

"Chara": That's it? "Good" guys just won without even trying? After my dead body!

"Chara" runs into Papyrus in slowmotion, because that's more dramatical. Papyrus notices this, and exploits this.

Papyrus: NYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!

Papyrus officially turned into a Super Sayian.

Flowey: Ok, I had enough.

After saying this, Flowey proceeds to jump out of the window. And because flowers don't have any skill in jumping out of windows, flowey is about to painfully fall on grass.

TO BE CONTINUED (roundabout plays)


	5. Epilogue

EPILOGUE:

Flowey's done it. He successfully manipulated Papyrus for personal gain: while Papyrus was fighting "Chara", Flowey stole all his money, jewelries, and a golden dildo. However, a fall on the grass was enough to break Flowey's face. Operation costed half of what Flowey stole from Paps. And the other half Flowey was supposed to give to Sans, so he could disown his gay-ass brother. In other words the only thing Flowey got are some scars on his face. Luckily society wasn't so harsh on this accident, even Sans, who actually knew, that Flowey was straight all along. Oh and also Toriel tried to rape Asgore and was killed in self-defense.

But it's not one of the Golden endings, nononononono. Undyne is dead, and the only one who truly cared about it was Monster Kid, who now can't walk and is even more retarded than Polish Catholic Church. Aside from him, nobody gave a shit, not even Alphys, who came to conclusion, that she never loved her, and is now married to Asgore. Mettaton is still not very much know, and on top of all that… Annoying Dog - being a big fucking troll he is – made Undertale 2, which means that "Chara" can save once again.

Also there is one more thing. Napstablook came to realization that Hitler was right all along. He conquered the whole Europe (except Germany, which is completely destroyed, and Russia, which became the second USSR), and made a 5 person party, with him as The Leader, Leo Leonardo the III as The Lancer, Koichi Hirose as The Smart Guy, Q As The Big Guy, and Chica as The Chick. But despite their peaceful and neutral attitude, complete with a _lack_ of antisemitism, USA declares a war. Little did the know, that Blooky's Reich has 1500 napalm missles, 100 nukes, and 900 homing missiles (because Sheer Heart Attacks were out), which means that USA is responsible for WW III and the end of the world as we know it.

 _ **HAVE A NICE DAY**_


End file.
